Why Support Family Night

Why should communities support Family Night?

Social Resources Fall Short

Many communities have concerns about the well being of children and families. Sometimes there is consider social and economic loss due to what is considered problem behaviors such as Substance Abuse, Delinquency, Teen Pregnancy, School Dropout and Violence. In the past in Kitsap County as well as other communities across the United States considerable effort and funding prevent these conditions. Since funds are scarce, many programs go wanting and children and youth get caught up in a system that is ill equipped to handle their needs. As such sometimes these problems get worse in spite or our best efforts. Perhaps, while programs and movements are necessary and important they are not the complete answer. As we gain understanding and begin to discern our community needs and the changes needed, we need to focus on strengthening the basic unit of our society—The Family.

Healthy Families Build Healthy Communities

Research shows that where there is good family management and family members learn how to resolve conflict effectively that there are less instances of Substance Abuse, Delinquency, Teen Pregnancy, School Drop Out and Violence. When parents model positive behaviors and are involved with their children, there are fewer instances of Substance Abuse, Delinquency, and Violence. Even in communities where there are high risk factors present that where children are given opportunities to develop their talents and learn skills and receive appropriate positive recognition in their families, schools and communities that they are able to bond and where families, schools, communities, and their peer groups develop healthy beliefs and clear standards the result is healthy behaviors. One model that organizations and groups in Kitsap County as well as other communities is developmental assets. The developmental assets model is a promising approach and has been a positive force in Kitsap County to bring agencies and schools together to create healthy youth and build community. As this movement advances into its next phase, it is important to acknowledge the role of the family in providing assets for children. This movement has done a great job in reaching schools, social service agencies and to some extent businesses. Some assets where the family plays the primary role are Family Support, Positive Family Communication, Parent Involvement in Schools, Service To Others, Safety, Family Boundaries, High Expectations, Homework, and Reading For Pleasure. The remaining three groups of assets, Positive Values, Social Competencies and Positive Identity are best learned at home with reinforcement in the schools, workplaces, neighborhoods, faith groups and community.

A strong conviction that our role in society is to create an environment where families can flourish and children and parents have time together to develop their gift, talents, assets and skills will reduce problem behaviors and its costly effects. The family's role is to raise healthy responsible children. Society's role is to support their efforts.


We are proposing that communities

1. Dedicate one evening a week be declared as Family Night. During this time parents and children be together share values, address concerns, practice positive communication, learn to solve problems and resolve conflict peacefully, have fun and other bonding activities

2. That families have at least one meal together each day where family members share their concerns, interests and values

3. That families celebrate milestones together such as birthdays, anniversaries, achievements, and other times as applicable

4. That families have regular time together to work on projects, give service, go on vacation, and other special times.

5. That schools, churches, workplaces, community agencies and other groups support families in these efforts by not scheduling meetings, activities and other events on Monday Evening and at mealtime.

What can we do to support these efforts?

Schools: We recognize that your schedule is generally made up a year in advance. We encourage you as you plan for the future that meetings and events scheduled for Monday evening where possible be scheduled at another time. Where this is not feasible, keep the meeting as brief as possible so parents can go home to their children.

Churches: Encourage members of your congregation to hold Family Night. Schedule your meetings, activities and projects at other times. Encourage you members to attend church as a family. Reach out and help families with special needs.

Workplaces: Promote Family Night. Adapt family friendly policies in your workplace. As your workload permits allow parents to be home with their children on Family Night. As workload and safety permits, have a "bring your child to work day".

Community Agencies: Have policies that support strengthening families. Provide community norms that values families. Collaborate in reaching out to parents to provide skills in strengthening their own family.

Government Agencies: Support laws that strengthen families. Where individuals violate laws that endanger their children prioritize funding to correct the problem. Avoid policies that break down the family

Media and Entertainment Industry: Support programming that honors and values family. Avoid programming (including advertising) that is inappropriate for children to witness.

Parents: Provide a safe nurturing environment. Lead out in having time together. If you have behaviors that put your family at risk get help and correct it.

Trust

I would like to write about trust.  Trust can be considered as part of the emotional immune system.  There are two parts to trust.

1.     How well can others trust me, or trustworthiness

2.     My own ability to trust others

Trustworthiness is based on both my character and my competency.  Character includes my willingness to honor my commitments.  It has to do with how I show mutual respect.  Being open and honest in my communications and putting forth the effort to have a healthy balance between courage and consideration.  Competency includes my knowledge, skills and abilities in the area that I am working.  For example, I may be honest, respectful, courageous, and considerate, but if I do not have the knowledge, skills, and abilities to perform the job, you would not trust me to do it.  On the other hand, I may be very knowledgeable and skillful, but if I am not honest and respectful, my knowledge and skills become a means of manipulation rather than empowerment.  My ability to trust others grows out of my own trustworthiness.  If I cannot trust myself, I cannot trust others.  It also grows out of my experience with others.  If others are open and honest with me and they treat me with respect, I can then build a trusting relationship.  If my experience with others has not been one of trust, I may then have difficulty building trusting relationships even though the person involved is trustworthy.  In this case, I will need to understand the transference and work through the issues involved.  Trust has cognitive, emotional, behavioral and interactive parts to it.  The cognitive parts include both my healthy and unhealthy beliefs about others, the situation, and myself.  The emotional part includes those stored body memories of sadness, anger, fear, guilt, shame, and hurt.  If my stored memories include feelings of happiness, and joy, I then have the building blocks for trust.  The behavioral part includes my own behavior as well as my perception of other people’s behavior.  The interactive part includes all of the above as I interact with others.  When there is something about an interaction that reminds me of a previous interaction, a combination of beliefs, stored emotions, and past and present behaviors, creates transference.  If the object of the transference is trustworthy (character and competency), it can be addressed and worked through.  The process includes vision, feedback, and the courage to change.  This leads to empowerment and the building of healthy relationships with others and with ourselves