Trust

I would like to write about trust.  Trust can be considered as part of the emotional immune system.  There are two parts to trust.

1.     How well can others trust me, or trustworthiness

2.     My own ability to trust others

Trustworthiness is based on both my character and my competency.  Character includes my willingness to honor my commitments.  It has to do with how I show mutual respect.  Being open and honest in my communications and putting forth the effort to have a healthy balance between courage and consideration.  Competency includes my knowledge, skills and abilities in the area that I am working.  For example, I may be honest, respectful, courageous, and considerate, but if I do not have the knowledge, skills, and abilities to perform the job, you would not trust me to do it.  On the other hand, I may be very knowledgeable and skillful, but if I am not honest and respectful, my knowledge and skills become a means of manipulation rather than empowerment.  My ability to trust others grows out of my own trustworthiness.  If I cannot trust myself, I cannot trust others.  It also grows out of my experience with others.  If others are open and honest with me and they treat me with respect, I can then build a trusting relationship.  If my experience with others has not been one of trust, I may then have difficulty building trusting relationships even though the person involved is trustworthy.  In this case, I will need to understand the transference and work through the issues involved.  Trust has cognitive, emotional, behavioral and interactive parts to it.  The cognitive parts include both my healthy and unhealthy beliefs about others, the situation, and myself.  The emotional part includes those stored body memories of sadness, anger, fear, guilt, shame, and hurt.  If my stored memories include feelings of happiness, and joy, I then have the building blocks for trust.  The behavioral part includes my own behavior as well as my perception of other people’s behavior.  The interactive part includes all of the above as I interact with others.  When there is something about an interaction that reminds me of a previous interaction, a combination of beliefs, stored emotions, and past and present behaviors, creates transference.  If the object of the transference is trustworthy (character and competency), it can be addressed and worked through.  The process includes vision, feedback, and the courage to change.  This leads to empowerment and the building of healthy relationships with others and with ourselves